Seen this on reddit and thought it was an interesting question that largely is not talked about.
It is largely an issue that gets sidelined and hidden because people don’t want to talk about it or accept that it exists. Hopefully this gets some traction to break that marginalisation.
This may be a boring answer but I don’t deal with it simply because I’m not drawn to online spaces where it occurs. I don’t know what I would do if I did experience misandry. Leave? Engaging probably wouldn’t help.
If you’re encountering this and can link to a thread where it happened to you, that might help some of us understand is going on. Maybe it’s a matter of interaction style, background beliefs, or topic areas or user cultures that you get involved with. I’m mostly in nerdy areas where it hasn’t been much of an issue, or alternatively, it’s an issue that I’m too oblivious to notice.
I deal with it with grace, understanding, and compassion. I’m gay, but as a white cis man I still have obscene amounts of privilege. I feel a bit like a double agent. I’m a minority, but as I move through the world I am afforded all of the privilege that patriarchy can offer. And I can say with full confidence, the misandry I encounter pales in comparison to the homophobia I encounter. This goes for online as well as irl. And “pales in comparison” is inadequate. It’s so not even on the same playing field. They are not even comparable. I get it. It’s rougher to be a straight man than it’s ever been. I routinely get “mistreated” because I’m a bearded white guy who looks like Steve from Minnesota. But having a woman be less polite to me now and then is nowhere near what I go through as a queer. Especially growing up. I used to pray every night for god to kill me. Because I am queer. Not because I am a man. And I’ve tried to explain this to my brothers, and they don’t get it and can’t help but feel like the victim in all of this. And I bet you will align with them. But hopefully someone reading this will hear it. Yes, you are struggling. But fucking cope. Cope. Sharpen your coping skills. Because you have still been spared in a way you can’t even comprehend.
Ignore it and no.
It’s not very common. When I encounter it, I tend to get angry, as I do against all bigots.
Does it affect me negatively? sure. Does it affect me on a personal level? Absolutely not. I guess I view it with a kind of sad condescension, like: “I’m sorry society is so fucked up that you feel it necessary to lash out like that. I’m trying my best, but I’m only one man.” Now that I think about it, I’m not sure what the says about my engagement with system. I’m going to have to ruminate on that…
Down with the patriarchy!
I don’t deal with it at all cuz I don’t have the time to spend searching for hours to find some.
I deal with it in the same way I deal with misogony, I realize that everyone has their own experiences and that some dislike either way is to be expected, but if someone fixates on either I ignore them and more on.
I have much better things to do than arguing with hateful people on the internet.
I know you want to focus this thread on misandry but I had a learning experience with dealing with misogony a few years back…
I am a man, and back in 2011 when I first joined Reddit I was feeling a bit lost, I recently graduated, I had got my first job, wasn’t a good fit, I was lonely and depressed.
I was (still am) fat and balding, had never been in any kind of relationship, I was feeling resentment, and didn’t know where to channel it.
As I joined reddit I found the subreddit MensRights, and thought that it was interesting to learn about issues affecting men rather than hearing only about issues affecting women.
So I joined the subreddit, and over the next few years I read stories about how men were mistreated, and how unfair life was for us.
It was interesting, felt like I had discovered the final puzzle pieces that would complete my social understanding of society.
But, after a few years of having MenRights in my Reddit feed daily, I started noticing that I started disliking women in general.
I never wanted that, I realized that if I wanted to have any chance to find a woman as a partner or just as a friend, something needed to change, and after looking at the mental puzzle mentioned above, I realized that the peice I thought was the final peice had grown, and pushed everything out of alignement.
So I cut out MensRights from my subscriptions, and just decided to ignore it, and that did wonders for me, I don’t feel any hate or dislike for women any longer, I still don’t have a partner, but that is my own issue to deal with, and it is unfair to take it out on others.
Cutting out MensRights was harder than I thought, I had to properly decide and tell myself to do it, I suppose it was a coping mechanism.
My point to all of this is that while you can’t change other’s oppinions online, you can change what communities you engage with, be critical and analyze which communities affect you in what ways.
Or to put it like the WTYP podcast often say, you can just leave, there is nothing forcing you to stay in communities that are full of misandry or misogony, you can just leave.
I run into far more misandry in real life than online.
I joined a men’s group so I can have a place that what I am is celebrated.
What do you mean by “misandry”?
If you mean “women venting about their experiences in a male-dominated world”, then I don’t give a shit. I just try not to be the reason they’re complaining.
If you mean unrealistic emotional expectations for men, like we’re not allowed to cry or be sensitive or feel any emotion but anger, it frustrates me. I don’t really know how to handle it.
Not the first one.
I wasn’t thinking the second but that would be an example. I would say conversations with men over this topic is a lot easier than you would expect. There is support there. Bringing up with women who want a men to not cry or be sensitive can be difficult.
I’d refer to “toxic masculinity” or “the manosphere” if that’s what you meant.
Lmao this is already getting brigaded -10 votes op. Just for asking a question. But yeah i just laugh it off as crazy feminist agenda sad femcel shit. My current gf was a strong feminist when we met but eventually she stopped socializing with feminists and has a more healthy mindset and works on improving herself and our home instead of the hyperfocus on misandry. I never really talked her out of it, she just grew out of it.
I don’t think it’s brigades, I think people just generally didn’t like the tone. I didn’t vote on this post but I did question the OP’s experience and intent when asking so bluntly and describing it as “marginalization”.
And more to the point, comments such as yours, which equate “feminism” with “misandry” are likely a bigger contributor to why people don’t appreciate this post overall.
That comment didn’t equate them, but rather associated them.
And they are associated.
At the extreme ends, sure. But we can’t discuss them as if they’re representative of the general concept. I don’t go around identifying myself as a feminist unprompted but I do believe in equality for all. And I don’t see how that means us men will suddenly have to be second class next to women. It’s equality, it’s equal. I’m not suggesting we shift who’s in power but rather we should balance it evenly.
Do you see where I’m coming from at all?
What the hell are you talking about??!!
What’s with the hysterical punctuation?
Lol! What misandry?
Maybe I’m too laid back to notice, but I’ve never seen anyone hate men just because they’re male. So much so, that in order to answer this question I had to google what “misandry” meant. I had no clue what the hell you were even asking.
Is this seriously a thing? Am I in a bubble isolated from this? Or are you in a bubble where non-issues are issues for you? Genuinely asking.
The highest frequency I see of it is when issues are discarded when it is an issue with men. Be it homelessness, suicide, job inequality, domestic violence or any other issue. But not for women. It seems men are worthless in a lot of people’s eyes because they aren’t women.
Or equally men are responsible for all the bad things in the world because simply they are men and men are responsible. For example a common issue is when men say they open up to a woman and that women used that to attack them. Then someone might say this is the patriarchy and toxic masculinity in action and men need to sort it out. Even though the man has done absolutely nothing wrong only the woman. Deflecting any responsibly from women doing something they shouldn’t have.
The inequality of responses from those being harmed, or undervalued and those responsible for the negativity seems at times strongly dependant on if it is a man or a women.
At least that is what I have seen mostly. But I’m more curious about others.
