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Thank you for this.

What was he, and what was on that data crystal he gave you?

Reflection, surprise, terror.
For the future.

Yeah. They gave me sensitive teeth. It works by getting rid of the top layer of your teeth. Avoid.

Absolutely not. Satire of Trump supporters and Trump supporters are indistinguishable. The ear bandages, the diaper wearing. The complete and utter nonsense they swallow and spout. Being proud of “grab 'em by the pussy” and openly supporting KKK and walking the streets with actual swastikas. There’s nothing too extreme to be even remotely too absurd to be true from MAGA. So no, unless you’re putting a /s on your fake utterly stupid moronic take Republican opinion, I absolutely can’t tell that you’re ridiculing them instead of just being that stupid.

When I was about 11 or 12, my class had a PE lesson, only to find Jess Taylor and Luke Jones, (who were in lower sixth, about 16 or 17) naked and kissing in the equipment cupboard.

Literally no one who was at the school at the time does not know this. Those of us fairly near the front got an eyeful of Jess and Luke trying to put their clothes on as fast as possible. Jess was certainly an impressive and memorable sight, but Luke was as you might expect he would be under the circumstances, which was, from our perspective, of epic proportions. As they finished pushing through the crowd one of the boys in my class called out “respect the dong!” and it broke the shocked silence and we all lost it laughing. Someone else called out “respect the rack!” which brought more laughing and some cheers.

For a while my year group (mainly the boys) called out “respect the rack” or “respect the dong” at play times if they were spotted, but Jess clearly didn’t like it so we stopped and left her alone. Luke, though, always took it with good humour, so for the next year and a half until he left the school, we said it to him whenever we saw him at break, but in the corridor where teachers might overhear, we just said “respect”. He would always agree and say “respect” and he gradually turned from being a joke hero into someone we really thought was a great guy for having a sense of humour about it all and engaging with us as if we weren’t the idiotic easily amused and insensitive little brats that I later realised we clearly were.

We found the phrase “How big was it on a scale of 1 to Luke Jones?” endlessly amusing in almost any context, like “look at this spider!” “how big is it on a scale of tiny flea to Luke Jones?” or “I was walking home and this massive lorry passed me and the pressure wave nearly blew me over.” “How big was it on a scale of Ford Fiesta to Luke Jones?” “Oh, Luke Jones, definitely Luke Jones” “Respect the dong!” “Always respect the dong.”

I take that as a compelling recommendation for Signal.

Well that’s a double win then.

That is actually very impressive. I toyed with the idea of doing this for fun one year, but I gave up when I realised how properly hard it was going to be to achieve. Nice one.